One Mad Mama

This year, Tristen had his first really bad experience with bullying. And when I say bad, I mean bad. Things escalated towards the end of the year that I called the police. It had just gotten out of control. I never imagined that kids would be so physically abusive.

We'd dealt with name calling and gossip and the usual tween stuff. But one child stepped things up a notch and that's when this mama got mad. Tristen came home bruised, bloodied, dirty, and his clothes all torn up. I seriously thought I should start sending him to school in Maxpedition tactical gear rather than his normal clothes and book bag, as each day he seemed to be entering a war zone.

As a parent, I didn't know what to do. Every time I've had to deal with bullying issues with the school, my concerns were dismissed. They seemed to have a very "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" attitude. This dumbfounded me, as they proclaim themselves as being zero tolerance when it comes to bullies.

Unfortunately, most of the activity was happening on the bus and on the walk home from the bus stop. The bus is considered school property, but the bus driver did not try to enforce any order what so ever. I don't know how you can drive around with 30 kids behaving completely inappropriately, but this guy did. He finally did threaten to throw the bully off the bus when he managed to wedge Tristen and another child under a seat and start jumping up and down on them like trampolines. Tristen ended up kicking the bus driver under the seat to get his attention. He was bruised for more than a week after that incident and I was assured by the powers that be that they would take care of it, but empty threats were the only result.

When he came home in just awful shape, I'd had enough of dealing with the school. Since it happened in the street, they seemed to not want to get involved. So, I called the police and filed a report. I told them I would not press charges, as long as this never happened again. They went and talked with the boy and his family. I was advised not to go attempt conversation with the family, the police officer said that wasn't a safe idea. Anyway, then next morning I get a completely panicked call from Tristen at school. He was so worked up I could barely understand him,. Seems the kid had told him calling the police was a big mistake and he would make him pay for it when they got off the bus. I dashed to the school and talked to the principal. She is a tiny little woman, but when she called the boy into the office to talk with him, she even scared me! She talked with both boys and urged me to let her know if anything at all happened again.

That afternoon, my pal Lynette and I waited at the bus stop with our cameras, with additional friends around the school with cell phones. I did not trust this kid and was worried about my son's safety. Thankfully, the bully had apparently been sent home from school that day. Other than a bunch of "trash talk", Tristen didn't have any trouble with him again. I just dread next school year; kids should not feel like they are going off to war when they are supposed to be learning.

Bullying is a situation it's tough to know how to handle. We've taught Tristen never to fight, but it's hard to know if that's the right thing when he ends up in the street, curled up in a ball, taking a beating. I have learned a lot from this experience though.

• Kids are very reluctant to tell you they are being bullied. IO had noticed Tristen was not as excited as usual about school, but when I tried to talk to him he clammed up. He later told me that getting me involved made him think he wasn't able to handle it himself, plus he feared retaliation if I contacted the school.
• For some reason, kids think bullying is normal behavior, just part of life. We've had to talk about how everyone deserves respect and being hurt, whether verbally or physically, is not something one has to tolerate.
• My first reaction was telling him to ignore the problem and it would stop. This was probably not the best advice. He did much better when he stood tall and said "No! You will not treat me this way!" I think bullies pick on ones they see as weak. By talking back to them, he found some confidence and they learned he wasn't such a pushover.
• Ultimately getting the school involved was the best move. I wish they had paid more attention months ago. After I spoke to the principal it seems they broke up a whole gang that were bullying literally dozens of kids.
• But most importantly, talk to your kids, really talk to them, and do it often. Then listen to what they are telling you. If something isn't quite right, get to the bottom of it. We can't help if we don't know there is a problem.

Do any of y'all have experience with bullies? I'd love to hear about it and how you handled it.